I wrote her immediately to tell her that not only had I heard of the band "Queensryche," that this was also Christopher�s favorite, (along with Alice Cooper) and that these songs largely made up the play list for Lost Angels. I had not mentioned this in my previous letter.) I remarked that the coincendenses were just too strange surrounding our stories!
I went into far more detail than before and shared with her details of the sexual experience with Christopher. I told her of how I seemed to be undergoing a transformation of style, in accordance with what Christopher would wear; that I had been emulating him for a few years. Christopher would probably have liked me to be more feminine and keep my hair blonde.
I ended my letter by enclosing the lyrics to a song I had written for Christopher. (Entitled "In the Guise of an Angel").
She responded:
Dear Christine,
At last a chance to answer your letter that revealed so very much more that our experiences have in common. I won�t lie to you- I�ve held back somewhat on myself and Jim- now that you�ve been so open, can I begin to express my gratitude? Well, let me try!!!
It struck home when you said you were rebelling against everything Chris would approve of -- When I first met Jim I wasn�t exactly pure as the driven snow- but I didn�t quite meet his expectations as far as he wanted me to dress, wear my hair, make-up, etc.. It�s only now that I�m loving to drive him up a wall -- cause I�ve become exactly what he wanted before I broke away from him. (But as you know we can never fully be free) I�ve gone from red hair to very light blond hair, from a size 14 to a size 8. (He likes his women small) from glasses to contacts to show off my green eyes; and to dressing as gothic as I possibly can. Yes, had I not met Jim as well; I wouldn�t have underwent such a transformation! I owe him that much, yet I don�t know if it�s rebellion or just "tuning in" to the vampiric life style. Whatever the cause, I like being the way I am now. To hell with those that think I dress of look "different." One thing for sure, the men seem to like it- or is it that I can draw them to me because of Jim?
My first little "bite" came during sex, also. Only Jim told me he got carried away as I was bandaging up the damage he�d done to my wrist! He was big into holding me down like a vice grip and on many occasions I�d tell him to quit biting my damn wrist; it hurt like hell! But on the subject of sex; no one before or since has been as fantastic; and believe me I�ve been trying to find someone on par. Guess vampires have a sexual magic that is beyond description. Do you agree?
The first time I accused Jim of being a vampire was as I said when he decided to snack on my wrist. (Always the right wrist) Why?
I think I said, "What are you a fucking vampire or something?" He just laughed and then became very sweet and adoring. Wow! He hated- detested his picture taken- but I have a few of him; and will send you one soon; if you�d like.
Jim�s last name is *****, also of German extraction; so far as I know. I�d sure love to know if these two are somehow related. One very important aspect of Jim is that after being with him for three months- He told me he could only see out of one eye. You would have never noticed it but one eye was glass. He never, no matter how I pleaded, told me how he lost his eye; just said it happened a long time ago and was an "accident." Yeah, I�ll bet!
What�s weird is I accepted that; in fact accepted whatever he told me because his control was and somewhat still is, so powerful.
Your new song made me cry. It�s so beautifully true. I�ve read it so many times it�s almost memorized. So true...
I wish I could hear your band sing it. I�d be swept away by so much emotion though. I�d turn into a puddle of tears. But then we�re an emotional lot anyway! And we like it that way!
One thing I have to ask you is -- please, this is important- have you ever, since your relationship with Chris- desired to share his habit of consuming blood? Don�t freak- please! But once in a while I wonder what it would be like. A zillion people could walk by me in a day's time; then all at once there will be someone who "stands out" and I�ll be damned if I don�t get this weird "urge." It�s always men though- maybe my hormones are just running rampant! They usually do anyway. I just have to know if you�ve had the "urge" or if anyone else you write to has. I don�t think I could admit of this to Marty yet. Could it possibly be that Jim infused this desire in me; or is it that my mind is playing games??
Well, I better get this novel in the mail. I�ve included an autographed copy of Jonathan Frid�s -- thought you could add it to your collection. Hope you enjoy this!
Remind me to tell you about my daughter. If it wasn�t for her, I�d never have known about Anne Rice. She�s very vampiric in her own way; only a younger version of me! S-C-A-R-Y!
Take absolutely gregarious good care,
Your friend,
Laura
Laura and I began communicating over the telephone. Our conversations flowed for hours at a time, and our phone bills began to reach an all time high. We developed a friendship that went beyond the topic of our vampiric experiences. During this time, I�m sure that I addressed her question about having urges to drink blood myself. I had to admit I had always wondered what Christopher had gotten from his habit. I was not curious to the point of wanting to try it, though.
At this point I had just set up new contacts with the very first blood drinkers that I write to. I was not writing to anyone that could answer her questions about the urge to drink blood.
Later that year, I found a dentist in Indianapolis that would make fangs. Dave and I went through a series of dental appointments and came out with permanent fangs on our canine teeth as part of the image for our band, Amaranth. With all of these new changes, Laura remained excited for me. She was our bands number one fan, although we hadn�t sent her any music yet!
Another letter from Laura describes what she and I both felt concerning the changes in our lives.
...I�ve thought a great deal on the comment you made of how Chris and Jim "turned us both." Yes, I guess I hadn�t realized the subtle changes that were occurring. At first I felt I�d achieved a new outlook and therefore the "changes" were taking place. Perhaps our very souls have been transformed due to our time spent with Chris and Jim. Maybe, just maybe, one doesn�t necessarily need the blood exchange to become a vampire.
I�ve often wondered why I was "singled out." Do they know we�re potential candidates? Why were we chosen to carry on the "ways?" So many questions!
I also told her of how I thought it was very suitable for Christopher to have a body guard. When ever we had gone anywhere without Larry bad luck seemed to follow. I also took on a feeling that knowing him was a privilege. She described the same.
...I was very protective (still am) of Jim; and would have done anything to insure his safety. Even now I feel he�s in need of protection. I saw him last Monday evening. As always he stopped by the store. We made eye contact and I tried to let him "read" me-- saying "If you need help, tell me" and "Now I understand you Jim." He just gazed and I always get flooded with 10,000 emotions. (Hope I�m making sense here) I hate it when he leaves. I want to cry. It�s always Monday evening that he stops - so I�ve arranged my schedule to work that night!
She wrote more about sex with Jim, which is not so surprisingly similar to what I had experienced. Neither of these men had climaxes during sex. They seemed to be in it for an entirely different purpose.
...It was very much a mental orgasm; almost a "high" or a "dream state". All the pleasure came from Jim, yet I used to worry that something was wrong with me because I couldn�t gratify him. He�d always say his only wish was to satisfy me; then once or twice he brought up something (wish I could remember it all) about throughout history it�s been man�s truest duty to satisfy women. He mentioned Victorian times somehow too.
I developed a wrist phobia of sorts. He was fast about his "drinking." Sometimes though he took a bit too much, and I�d be totally weak for a couple of days. Since I tend to be anemic and am pale as a ghost this didn�t help! (But I�m afraid if he�d ask me to do it now I would) Know what I mean?
Making contact with Laura was the first step of a long process for me. It was helpful to know that there was someone who had gone through many of the same things. I had often wished that I could see Laura�s "Jim" in person, as I know she wanted to see Christopher. We both felt that if we were to see another "vampire" we would be able to sense it.
For the first few months she and I almost thought we were dealing with the same man! She sent a photo of Jim, and I sent her a video tape of Christopher. Then, of course we knew they were very different in appearance.
Jim seemed more human. He looked tan and toned, with muscles and blonde hair. There was nothing odd about the way Jim looked. He was just a very attractive guy, in his late twenties, from what I could tell in the photo. Christopher was more unusual. He was very thin, and very pale. Against his black hair he was white as a sheet of paper. There was something perhaps even sickly looking about Christopher. He was frail looking, yet strong. It was impossible to guess his age.
The photo of Jim did not live up to the image I had in my mind. How could it, when all along I was almost convinced that this was Christopher, leading a double life! On the phone Laura expressed the same theory.
I kept very good contact with Laura for three years. She was very supportive of my musical career and my romantic relationships. We could talk or write about anything.
After many years of being away from Christopher, I decided to make contact again. Laura was very interested and concerned with my renewed friendship.
One evening I worked up all of the courage I could and blundered into Christopher�s apartment. Nothing happened. I simply stood there in the living room. Shannon kept repeating, "You know you shouldn�t be here," as Christopher sat in the corner smiling. He said nothing. Eventually, Shannon insisted that I leave. He seemed very nervous.
When I told Laura about this brave adventure of mine she wrote:
... I was blown away by the fact that you went to Chris�s place. That took guts, girl! (Though I�m now tempted to pay Jim a visit) I�m only glad you got out of there O.K. I�m worried that should you go and catch him alone you may end up staying like Shannon and the rest. Tell you what. Should you decide to go, and you know he�s alone. If Dave isn�t around, call and let me know. Promise? Even if you have to leave a message, this way if Chris tries anything weird you�ll have two witnesses. And if I have to I�ll personally fly out there and get you out! Damn, I�m getting all paranoid now... You know Chris may have been acting cool, but you don�t know what internal vibes he was sending your way. Wow, listen to me, Laura the psychotherapist!! I never did go back to his place, so I didn�t have to call on Laura for back up.
It seemed that she and I were both very susceptible to returning. She would be tempted by Jim in her store. I would be tempted if I spent very much time dwelling on the fact that I hadn�t seen Christopher in years. I can�t count the number of times Laura and I talked sense into each other!
Martin Riccardo continued to supply me with names and addresses of different organizations. One such organization was called the Communion List. It was a pen pal network for vampire enthusiasts and fans of the band The Cure.
Those wishing to be on the list would send in a dollar and a short paragraph about themselves. Everyone would receive a list of names and addresses with the self explanatory paragraph for each person. I was too late to be included on a list, as it was only put out about once a year. I was able to send in my dollar and get a copy of the existing list.
Most of the paragraphs consisted of lists of favorite bands, and authors. Very few people actually described themselves well. I was looking for any paragraph that might suggest some intelligence, or maturity. I had hoped to find someone with a lot to say!
One paragraph caught my attention. It read:
My name is Valerie. My age and d.o.b. are not important. My interests are writing, reading, collecting horror comic books, drawing, and researching anything that interests me. My favorite artist is Francois De Norre for his "Doomsday" works. I am discreet and I hope that you are as well. I have a serious vampire fettish, so please, no skeptics. I would like to get in contact with other people who feel as I do.
I immediately wrote a quick letter to her. I told her that I was "compelled"to write to her, because of her paragraph. I told her that I was curious about her vampire fettish; briefly describing what had happened with Christopher. I assured her that I was sincere in my curiousity, and would indeed be discreet.
In the time when I waited for her response, I also wrote a few letters to some others on the Communion List. I remember that I had deliberated quite a bit deciding who else I should write to. They had all been so vague in their paragraphs!
I chose to write to another woman who was using the name "Raven." I started writing a form letter to mail to several others... just to see if I would get a response.
Then Valerie�s first letter arrived:
Dear Christine,
Greeting and salutations. First of all, let me thank you for your kind letter. I do not know why you�ve felt compelled to write to me but I hope I do not disappoint you. Also, you will forgive my awful handwriting but my typewriter is on the fritz.
I am happy to hear that you are not a skeptic and I must admit that your tale sounds very interesting to me. You must write more on that in your next letter, assuming there will be a next time. As for myself, I have not had a relationship with a vampire, as you have. No, I am merely a self-claimed vampire. I have had many run-ins with one certain gentleman who calls himself a "Vampire" but I am afraid that is as close to a relationship as I have come. I, myself, am a blood drinker but I am not mad. I hope this little bit of information does not dissuade you from further correspondence. Again, I pride myself on a low profile and publicity is of the least importance to me, let us be clear on that. I am also in the process of writing a novel. Well, actually, I have several started and only one complete. I am afraid I have not had much time to finish the rest, but then again, I�ve got all the time in the world.
You must tell me more about your music and your band, Amaranth. I would be very interested in hearing you play. And if you do not mind me asking will you tell me more about your friend Christopher? I�m as curious as Alice, yes?
By the way, my favorite artist is Francois de Nome. I believe it was mispelled in the Communion List. I also like Geiger and Salinas and Vallejo. These are our modern doomsday artists.
I have also been researching vampires a great many years. Lycanthropy is also a hobby of mine. My fettish began with the thirst. Folklore and media filled in the gap that I was searching for. But that is a very long tale and one that must be to ld with time. We�ve got an ample amount of time, you understand?
Once again, I am glad that you have decided to write to me and I hope that I have not been a waste of a perfectly good "King Penguin" stamp! I would be interested in hearing more from you. I am sorry that this letter is not longer or more informative, but one does not want to give off too much too soon. I wouldn�t want to become the hood ornament of some redneck�s truck. You understand, yes?
Well, I hope to hear from you soon. Again, my apologies for my handwriting. I will be looking for your letter soon. Until next time...
Eternally,
Valerie
Naturally, I wrote to her with little delay, and told her that she was not a waste of a stamp! I told her not to worry about her handwriting; it was actually quite beautiful. I went into more detail on my time with Christopher, and I asked many questions regarding her blood drinking habits. How had this started? From whom did she get blood? I was personally trying to understand why a someone would drink blood, in hopes of learning Christopher�s reasons. Maybe she could tell me things that Christopher would not. She seemed to have a great sense of humor, as I recall laughing a bit about the waste of a "King Penguin" stamp. The stamps that were commonly distributed at the post office at the time had various zoo animals. As I later found out, most people were using the "White Tiger" stamp for people that they liked more, and the more goofy animals for people they didn�t much like. I didn�t mean to insult her with a Penguin; I was just using the stamps in the order that they came from the book! At the time, I suppose I had a lot to learn about the underground world of vampiric pen pals!
Her next letter was a bit more informative:
Dear Christine, Greetings once again! I am very glad that you have decided to respond to my letter and that you do not consider me a waste of a King Penguin stamp! Though I don�t really consider my handwriting beautiful, thank you for the compliment. Your typing is not so awful. It works as long as I can understand what I�m reading, yes?
I must say your tale has me very interested. I�m quite fascinated. Most of my stories are written in third person. I�ve tried writing them from my personal point of view but I find that it demolishes the story if I am not omnipotent. It�s easier in third person because the tale can wind itself and wrap around anything in its path. I like the power that involves.
I don�t actually claim to be a vampire nor do I encourage people to believe that I am one either, but, like your friend Christopher, it is what I am. Or what I have been labeled, rather. It is not just blood I feed on but life itself. I have actually tired people out with my presence. Drain them, if you will. And I�m certainly not a follower. Always a leader. Sometimes unwittingly. I believe that comes from just being unique. My actions as a "blood drinker" have spawned followers that I am quite happy to have, if I may be so bold. Though my judgement has been questioned by some, I�ve never had any problems with my lifestyle. In answer to your question, my thirst manifested through family. It is something my grandmother and I have shared since I was very young. It started with experiments on the blood of animals. The taste was something I felt I was "missing". I became curious as to the taste of human blood and an understanding friend allowed me to take from him and convinced me that my curiosity was not "the evil" I thought it to be. I did not share these feelings I had with my grandmother, whom I should mention is full-blooded Cherokee Indian. I did not think she would understand. My friends are my "donors". They support my habit, you might say. Well, most of my habits are supported by them. I hope that I have satisfied your curiosity.
My music tastes vary from alternative to classical, heavy metal to oldies. There is not music I don�t like, actually. Well, except for rap and country although there are a few good songs that have been put out. I�m pretty open-minded. I listened to grunge and alternative before it even became popular and I�ve always loved punk rock. I�m for the rock-a-billy stuff too, you might say.
Well, I shall end this letter here. Tell me more about yourself and the things you enjoy doing. Are you a "drive-all-night" person? I am. Look forward to hearing from you soon.
Eternally,
Valerie